Maybe this isn't how it's supposed to be.

But then again, maybe it is. Who can know?

Best names for inanimate objects:
Lizzie
Bobachunks
Skree
Lola
Chum
Hooper
da kine, da kine da kine

The summer has been heavy. I feel like I'm constantly running out of time, even though that's absurd. I can't tell if grad school just ingrained a constant anxiety in me, or the challenges facing my family lately are just creating an ever present, subversive pool of worry in my mind.

No pictures. No pictures, please.

A lot of beautiful things have happened lately, as well. I should think on them instead.

a box of delicious, lush vegetables from a friend's garden in Vermont

that they and their garden weren't washed away in the floods

Mt. Greylock, in all it's hurranic majesty

new friends--yankees, at that!

group hugs from the 13s at SUUSI

gorgeous, crisp New England summer days

a leisurely road trip winding through the lower Hudson with some beloved family (seeing lots of deer)

a quiet night in a cute motel with the honeybear

reconnecting with OTs, positives from a negative

and many small moments, here and there

Hudson River, last summer.

I was really happy with the way that photo turned out, but I still miss my teensy little camera with the guts to shoot in rain. DSLR or no. Nothing can compete with nostalgia.

It's been so crazy busy. Was I always this busy, and I just hallucinated moments of leisure in the past? Or perhaps I spent them differently, and now I imagine things that were previously considered 'work' to be 'chillin, top villain?' I can't tell any more, no joke.

Plans: Hilo in October. Thank. God.

A list of things on the table rhightchere:

a big yellow bowl the mister's mom gave him, with several pieces of grass in it

a barette

books for studying (largely untouched)

kindle (procrastination at its finest)

two dried up avocados

a denuded mint plant

several pots with dirt in them, no plants

one spider plant, though

wooden tray, lovely wedding gift

bookends

upturned siracha bottle

a donor identifier card

"Why isn't Wall Street in Jail?"

More nostalgia. This is the strangest tag I've ever seen, unless you count the big SPRINGFIELD piece with happy little flowers in the background; maybe it's meant to be ironic. Who knows.

I'm feeling cranky and whiney (what else is new?) and I'm tired of feeling that way, which is a quick way to double it.

I called an old friend last weekend, and her number'd been changed. We haven't spoken in a year and a half, but that's about standard for us; I have no idea how to find her.

Perhaps the universe will take care of this problem for me.

Beautiful things that have happened in the last week (pertaining only to my small experience of the world) (we must narrow such things down):

saw a different old friend, was very moved by her life's work

got to tell her so

sunny days

drew some, it was fun

cacti, they grow

mac and cheese

a new friend's article was published! worthy of even more exclamation points!

told the truth

did a decent job

shared food with friends

shared worries and words, was comforted

grew five days wiser

slept well

remembered, for the first time in many years, most of my dreams.

48 hours

This is one of my favorite photos. It was taken on that tiny free camera I love so much, back in the summer of 04, I want to say. No date on it, though, so that's a guess.

I have that dirty Enrique Iglesias song stuck in my head. Please don't correct me if I'm spelling his name wrong.

Things To Look Forward To:

the future

Before you go, I want you to know

There are things about SXSW everywhere on the internets right now. I got a text from my buddy down in Austin saying things were slamming per usual, but it just wasn't as much fun without me. Made me that awkward happy/sad mix for the rest of the weekend.

I feel like Massachusetts and I have been in an abusive relationship. I can't go anywhere, I can't do anything. They take me for granted constantly, leaving a mess everywhere they don't clean up after and being obnoxious late at night without giving a damn who they disturb. There are times when I think of the few bright spots, and it doesn't seem so bad; it's a trick. They always hurt me in the end.

All I ever do is say bad things about this place, and it's boring as hell to keep saying them, so I won't. But this could not be over soon enough.

This photo was not taken here. It's a gecko, and please, please please little man, may your luck be with me still.

Things I Can't Stop Thinking About That Are Not Depressing:

Team Starkid

The Tennessee Williams exhibit happening at U of Texas at Austin till June

I lost a whole year.

I didn't get to use this the way I'd planned. It was a tragic misstep, financially, but I can't regret it; this is the absolute best photo in existence of me.

Here's to less of 2010, the Lost Year, and more of 2011, the Year I Reanimated and Conquered New England with Blood Drenched Fists.

Or something along those lines. I'm flexible with titles.

Currently Open Tabs in the Browser Window:

a blog called abandon silence with a bunch of electro i want to find

the soundtrack of First Love, Last Rites

a website describing Wise Fool, a circus-puppet-riot in New Mexico

a blog written by eco-activists building their own home

a design for Finland's entry into the Solar Decathon

more websites about puppets

two amazon ebooks I want to find at the library

tickets to see Godspeed You! Black Emperor (a fraud, apparently)

a website selling sexy calenders for a clinic in Oakland: http://pinupclinic.blogspot.com/

this here ole thing